“Christmas was coming. One morning in mid-December, Hogwarts woke to find itself covered in several feet of snow. The lake froze solid and the Weasley twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so that they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban.” - SS/PS, CH. 12
Mythbusters seriously needs to do an episode to see if two people could actually fit on that goddamn door without flipping it or sinking it so that we can finally put this issue to bed after fifteen years.
Interview with Michael Moscovitz for The Atom, as recorded by Mia Thermopolis on Sunday, April 30, via iPhone (to be transcribed later)
Mia:So, it’s okay if I record this?
Michael (laughing):I said it was.
Mia:I know, but I need to record you saying it. I know it’s stupid.
Michael (still laughing):It’s not stupid. It’s just kind of weird. I mean, to be sitting here being interviewed by you. First of all, it’s you. Second of all…well, you were always the celebrity.
Mia:Well, now it’s your turn. And thanks again, so much, for doing this. I know how busy you must be, and I want you to know I really appreciate you taking the time out to meet with me.
Mia:Okay, so first question: What inspired you to invent the CardioArm?
Michael:Well, I saw a need in the medical community and felt I had the technical knowledge to fill it. There've been other attempts in the past to create similar products, but mine is the first to incorporate advanced imaging technology. Which I can explain to you if you want, but I don’t think you’re going to have room for it in your article, if I remember how long the stories are in The Atom .
Mia (laughing):Uh, no, that’s okay—
Michael:And, of course, you.
Michael:You asked what my inspiration was for inventing the CardioArm. Part of it was you. You remember, I told you before I left for Japan, I wanted to do something to show the world I was worthy of dating a princess. I know it sounds dumb now, but…that was a big part of it. Back then.
Mia:R-right. Back then.
Michael:You don’t have to put that in the article if it embarrasses you, though. I can’t imagine you’d want your boyfriend reading that.
Mia:J.P.? No…no, he’d be fine with that. Are you kidding? I mean, he knows about all that. We tell each other everything.
Michael:Right. So he knows you’re here with me?
Mia:Um. Of course! So where was I? Oh, right. What was it like to live in Japan for so long?
Michael:Great! Japan’s great. Highly recommend it.
Mia:Really? So are you planning on…Oh, wait, that question’s later…Sorry, my grandmother woke me up really early this morning and I’m all disorganized.
Michael:How is the Dowager Princess Clarisse?
Mia:Oh, not her. The other one. Mamaw. She’s in town for my birthday party.
Michael:Oh, right. I wanted to thank you for the invitations to your party.
Mia:...the invitations to my party?
Michael:Right. Mine arrived this morning. And my mom said hers and Dad’s and Lilly’s came last night. That was really nice of you, to let bygones be bygones with Lilly. I know she and Kenny are planning on going tomorrow night. My parents, too. I’m going to try to make it, as well.
Mia (under breath):Grandmère!
Michael:What was that?
Mia:Nothing. Okay…so what did you miss most about America while you were gone?
Mia:Oh, ha ha. Be serious.
Michael:Sorry. Okay. My dog.
Mia:What did you like best about Japan?
Michael:Probably the people. I met a lot of really great people there. I’m going to miss some of them—the ones I haven’t brought over here with the rest of my team—a lot.
Mia:Oh. Really? I mean…so you’re moving permanently back to America now?
Michael:Yeah, I have a place here in Manhattan. Pavlov Surgical will have its corporate offices here, though the bulk of the manufacturing will be done out of Palo Alto in California.
Michael:Can I ask you a question now?
Michael:When am I going to get to read your senior project?
Mia:See, I knew you were going to ask me that—
Michael:So, if you knew, where is it?
Mia:I have to tell you something.
Michael:Uh-oh. I know that look.
Mia:Yeah. My project’s not about the history of Genovian olive oil presses, circa 1254–1650.
Mia:No. It’s actually a four-hundred-page medieval historical romance novel.
Michael:Sweet. Hand it over.
Mia:Seriously. Michael—you’re just being nice. You don’t have to read it.
Michael:Have to? If you don’t think I want to read it now, you’re high. Have you been smoking some of Clarisse’s Gitanes? Because I’m pretty sure I got high once on the secondhand smoke from those.
Mia:She had to quit smoking. Look, if I e-mail you a copy, will you just promise to not start reading it until I’ve left?
Michael:What, now? You mean this minute? To my phone? I completely and totally swear.
Bee:Hi there friend! How are you today? I'm just doing my job, pollinating flowers and all, no need to be afraid of me, I'm just happy I get to enjoy this wonderful weather with you.
Wasp:Oh hey motherfucker, wanna go? I swear I will kill any cunt stupid enough to get 3 feet near me, I can sting you, and it will be the nastiest feeling you've had in awhile. Buzz Buzz, asshole. Bet that hurts doesn't it? Stupid fuck.